Picture taken recently on a solo hike through a state park near our home.
The Temporary Lamentations of a Mother
Where are you Peace? Like a mirage
Her form shimmers and taunts,
Dancing alluringly in the distant horizon;
Calling, beckoning, only to dissipate into
Darkness when I come close. Impossible
To grasp, too elusive to seize.
Thoughts go back to this morning,
Perched attentively in a half lotus
Position. Listening to the harmony of
My home slowly enter into my awareness
I became one with my breath, rising and falling
rising and falling, to its own uneven cadence.
Sounds of birds in the distance outside my windows,
their songs accompanying the rising sun
spreading her glorious garment
open wide before a new day,
the hum of our refrigerator, the muffled sounds of my
Husband snoring; all participants of
The disjointed orchestra of life playing
Its rhythms out all around me.
My breath having its own small role as
I bear witness to it all; my soul taking
A momentary break and simply resting
In the moment.
Hours later I find my bedroom door locked.
Mommy just gave herself a time out.
Two little criminals, bliss-snatchers,
that once gestated in my womb
are now placated after a bout
of intense bickering and whining.
Tears dried following stern admonishing
they now joyfully watch a movie together,
snuggled close beneath a cozy blanket.
I try to breathe deep again, finding grounding
in the present, finding a foundation of peace
from which my words and actions can compassionately
extend themselves from as the day continues.
I am no fool. I know full well that the crashing waves
of ambivalence and resistance will once again rise up and fall
Down mercilessly on the shores of my experience.
This temporary break in chaos is temporary indeed,
So dictates the law of Impermanence.
But there is no foundation, that’s all an illusion.
There is just a watery flow of intentions pirouetting
with various inputs and outputs, some dark, some light,
shifting and pulsing. Life’s river beckoning me in to either
Drown or heal me who knows.
I laugh at the absurdity of it all. Life, a kaleidoscope
of pain, loss, sorrow, ecstasy, peace and joy. And plunge
myself into her dark and swirling waters.
I know soon I will exit my room, already feeling
A bit more whole again after vomiting up my
reflections In prose. My soul putting on her dancing
shoes, for she now realizes she chooses to dance
amidst Joy’s gay tune, after all, why not?
Leaving sorrow in broken shards at her feet,
unlocking the bedroom door only after unlocking
the light hidden within her deep recesses,
I will welcome my offspring once again into my arms;
realizing that we don’t need to seek light,
We have it within ourselves all along and
we can conceive and bring it forth on our own.